If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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