Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize