Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
