Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
