booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
But break dance skills will only take you so far
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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