She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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