just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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