We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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