shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
