all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
