You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
