smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize