I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize