Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
