Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
