peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
