the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
