i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
