Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize