I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
They are going to name an STD after you.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
