can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
