Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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