you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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