theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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