Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I forgot how hot balto sounded
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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