There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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