what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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