I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
