You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
