i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
