You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
