I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
