Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
