Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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