Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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