Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
