she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
