She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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