??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
