I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
