Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize