Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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