I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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