The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
