life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
