Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
