I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
