I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You were trust falling into bushes
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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