In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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