My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
