We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
