thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
