i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize