nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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