she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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