First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
