worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
