Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
