Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
