your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
