"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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