so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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