just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
