Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
