some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
