if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
