so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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