Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
