a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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