I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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