she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
