Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize