Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
