According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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