idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize