im about as happy as oj after his trial
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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