I just gift wrapped bread.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
