I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
