guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize